"If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?"
"I don't wanna run away but I can't take it I don't understand"
"Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?"
"Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away"
"And I breathe you into my heart and pray"
"Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right"
Rindu. =(
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
Don't wanna lose you now
I used to not trying at all. I thought it was easier, I thought things will fall into place.
Never have I been so wrong.
Then I tried. I guess, too much of anything isn't any good either. I was told that if I try hard enough, if I get to figure things out, things will happen.
But I was told I tried too much.
Here I am, sitting alone in the room, curling on my bed, thinking of what did I do? What didn't I do?
I was empty, to be frank. Empty that I couldn't care who came in and who went away in my life.
That's why my life had been monotonous, yet stable.
Until the day you came.
I was given love and hope. I started to feel, started to have hope, started to feel love.
I wasn't empty anymore.
Now all I feel are confusion, sadness, anxious like I know the day are going to come which we have to let go of each other, though how much I want to deny it, I can feel the day is getting closer.
A big lump in my throat, in my heart, in my stomach and in my head. I don't want to go out to deal with the rest today. =(
Never have I been so wrong.
Then I tried. I guess, too much of anything isn't any good either. I was told that if I try hard enough, if I get to figure things out, things will happen.
But I was told I tried too much.
Here I am, sitting alone in the room, curling on my bed, thinking of what did I do? What didn't I do?
I was empty, to be frank. Empty that I couldn't care who came in and who went away in my life.
That's why my life had been monotonous, yet stable.
Until the day you came.
I was given love and hope. I started to feel, started to have hope, started to feel love.
I wasn't empty anymore.
Now all I feel are confusion, sadness, anxious like I know the day are going to come which we have to let go of each other, though how much I want to deny it, I can feel the day is getting closer.
A big lump in my throat, in my heart, in my stomach and in my head. I don't want to go out to deal with the rest today. =(
Infatuation. Love. Quizzes.
So... I've been thinking about my love life quite a lot lately. Well, part of it because there are more and more friends surrounding me are getting married/been married or even getting a baby (well, it's about that age of the life, who could blame them..) Another part is that my unmarried friends are going all out on fretting about not getting married, hahaha. But the major portion is that I've been wondering whether the decisions I made so far in my love life, are going to be standing strong until at least, I get married.....at the very least.
Sigh. How do I go on about this? Right. To save myself from all the confusion (and to fill my oh-so-overly-free-time) I read a lot of articles about love and recently did quite a few quizzes. My finding is that there is very very very thin line that separates love from infatuation. (Yes, I think I wrote about infatuation a few years back). Infatuation is so much alike with being in love, but it's not love. Confused? Haha. I.e, the attraction of the idea of being in love, not actually the same as being in love.
Note, having to know about infatuation and love is vital because it saves you years in your life, save you from wasting your time, energy and money on what could have been saved if you sit back, relax. and reflect upon yourself...and your partner.
Magazines and television have been feeding us with the idea of "romantic love". They make it sound like we will be "swept off our feet", "floating on cloud nine" when we have love. Well, that's true, but not all the time. Love is an ongoing struggle I might say based on what I experience so far. Every single matter on this Earth experience changes, so do our feelings. Different actions need to be taken to accommodate the changes.
Sure, easier to talk than do. It seems so easy to love (or fall in love). Everything else does not matter when you have love. Well, danggg that's not true! Everything matters if you have love. Love needs hard work and commitment. Infatuation is something when you feel everything is easy. Easy to love him, easy to communicate, easy to understand each other and easy to give up.
No, nothing precious is ever easy. You need to work to earn it. In this entry, I will write down a few things that I think helped me to understand whether my relationship is an infatuation or...real love. =)
So, here it goes....Try to be honest as you can. Hey, you only deceive yourself if you lie.
1. What is the major attraction?
Infatuation: High chance the first thing that comes to your mind is the physical equipment of the other person.
Love: The total personality. Physical attractions could be thrilling, but it's just one of the many things.
My answer: Love.
2. How many things about that person attract you?
Infatuation: Usually few in number, but very appealing.
Love: Most of the qualities attract you. how many have you observed and how many attract you?
My answer: I don't know. Never really though about it. Must think from now on.
3. How did it start?
Infatuation: Fast, no such thing as love at first sight (again, magazines and tv brainwashing you) but there is infatuation at first sight.
Love: Very slowly. Love takes a lot of your time to be built up and stood strong.
My answer: Love.
4. How consistent is your interest?
Infatuation: Blows hot and cold. Your interest grew so fast that the base/root is shallow. Whole relationship is shallow.
Love: Feeling are slow and tender. Feelings grow slowly, but root goes deep.
My answer: Love.
5. How does it affect your personality?
Infatuation: Has disorganising effect on your personality. You walk around daydreaming. You feel like everything just falls into place,everything is beautiful and perfect. You're on cloud nine.
Love: The one will bring out your best qualities...AND make you want to be a better person. You plan and prepare.
My answer: Love.
6. How do you see each other?
Infatuation: Your world, your daily purpose of life seems to be revolved around that person. You tend to neglect other relationships.
Love: Your beloved is the most important, but you don't give less treatment to other relationships as you used to.
My answer: Love in terms of human relationships, but towards my belief (our Maker) hmmmm... the biggest concern.
7. How do others view your relationship?
Infatuation: Blind love. Everything is perfect to you but chances are your family and friends direct or indirectly disapprove. Search for their signs.
Love: Blessings and approval, blessings and approval, from others. Mags and tvs might make you think "Oh to hell with what they think of him/her! I'm not marrying ang of them, I'm marrying him/her!" Well dear, no one with good heart will go against your love, unless you are blinded by infatuation.
My answer: I don't know. This what concerns me. He does not approve that we get that personal with our other beloved ones. Hmmm.. couldn't blame him though, considering our differences and what their reactions will be.
8. What does distance do?
Infatuation: Time and distance will kill the relationship. Your feelings will numb over time, you're worried if you don't meet soon, you will lose interest.
Love: Absence makes your hear grow fonder. The time you spent will cause your personalities to 'grow together'. When you are apart, you feel empty, anxious as well sad. You're worried if the other person finds somebody else, but you don't lose interest in him/her.
My answer: Surprisingly love. But I could say, one out of 7 times, I'm quite worried if I lose interest. I'm being honest here. (pssstt.. If you are worried your significant other would lose interest, duhh~ rekindle your relationship, do surprises, change habits or whatever to make him/her happy! Sacrifices people, sacrifices!)
9. How do quarrels affect the romance?
Infatuation: Quarrel is often. You kiss and make up a lot, but quarrels too become more often and severe.
Love: There are disagreements, but you both will live through them. Quarrels become less often. You learn how to handle conflicts and to discuss things openly and frankly.
My answer: Love....and Infatuation? I admit it is because of him that I learn how to be patient and to think beyond myself when solving conflicts. He is always the reasonable one, opening up the table for discussions. But I too feel like we quarrel a lot. So, how?
10. How do you refer to your relationship?
Infatuation: You think of your relationship in terms of two people; I, my, mine, and he, him, his. You think that you both as two separate people.
Love: We, us, ours.
My answer: Hmm...mostly infatuation? Oh no. Something to be improved.
11. Are you selfish or selfless?
Infatuation: Your interest in the other person is primarily selfish. Usually, looks are important. Why are you in this relationship?? Because you think of the advantages that benefit you mostly. If you date the head of the cheerleader, people will look upon you in awe.
Love: You love the person for who he/she is. Not what can they offer to feed your ego.
My answer: Love. But I'd like to see some improvement for his own good. I know I have to work with him.
12. What is your overall response?
Infatuation: You are mainly concerned abut what you can get out of the relationship.
Love: Your attitude is what you can offer to make the both of you happy, not about whether or not he/she could devote themselves to see you happy.
My answer: Trying my best to offer instead of getting, some room for improvement. Not easily, love.
So... what are you waiting for? Go ahead and try yourself! Just be honest. =)
P/s: When I say improvements... I wonder if my significant other has ever thought of willingly improving for the sake of us?
Sigh. How do I go on about this? Right. To save myself from all the confusion (and to fill my oh-so-overly-free-time) I read a lot of articles about love and recently did quite a few quizzes. My finding is that there is very very very thin line that separates love from infatuation. (Yes, I think I wrote about infatuation a few years back). Infatuation is so much alike with being in love, but it's not love. Confused? Haha. I.e, the attraction of the idea of being in love, not actually the same as being in love.
Note, having to know about infatuation and love is vital because it saves you years in your life, save you from wasting your time, energy and money on what could have been saved if you sit back, relax. and reflect upon yourself...and your partner.
Magazines and television have been feeding us with the idea of "romantic love". They make it sound like we will be "swept off our feet", "floating on cloud nine" when we have love. Well, that's true, but not all the time. Love is an ongoing struggle I might say based on what I experience so far. Every single matter on this Earth experience changes, so do our feelings. Different actions need to be taken to accommodate the changes.
Sure, easier to talk than do. It seems so easy to love (or fall in love). Everything else does not matter when you have love. Well, danggg that's not true! Everything matters if you have love. Love needs hard work and commitment. Infatuation is something when you feel everything is easy. Easy to love him, easy to communicate, easy to understand each other and easy to give up.
No, nothing precious is ever easy. You need to work to earn it. In this entry, I will write down a few things that I think helped me to understand whether my relationship is an infatuation or...real love. =)
So, here it goes....Try to be honest as you can. Hey, you only deceive yourself if you lie.
1. What is the major attraction?
Infatuation: High chance the first thing that comes to your mind is the physical equipment of the other person.
Love: The total personality. Physical attractions could be thrilling, but it's just one of the many things.
My answer: Love.
2. How many things about that person attract you?
Infatuation: Usually few in number, but very appealing.
Love: Most of the qualities attract you. how many have you observed and how many attract you?
My answer: I don't know. Never really though about it. Must think from now on.
3. How did it start?
Infatuation: Fast, no such thing as love at first sight (again, magazines and tv brainwashing you) but there is infatuation at first sight.
Love: Very slowly. Love takes a lot of your time to be built up and stood strong.
My answer: Love.
4. How consistent is your interest?
Infatuation: Blows hot and cold. Your interest grew so fast that the base/root is shallow. Whole relationship is shallow.
Love: Feeling are slow and tender. Feelings grow slowly, but root goes deep.
My answer: Love.
5. How does it affect your personality?
Infatuation: Has disorganising effect on your personality. You walk around daydreaming. You feel like everything just falls into place,everything is beautiful and perfect. You're on cloud nine.
Love: The one will bring out your best qualities...AND make you want to be a better person. You plan and prepare.
My answer: Love.
6. How do you see each other?
Infatuation: Your world, your daily purpose of life seems to be revolved around that person. You tend to neglect other relationships.
Love: Your beloved is the most important, but you don't give less treatment to other relationships as you used to.
My answer: Love in terms of human relationships, but towards my belief (our Maker) hmmmm... the biggest concern.
7. How do others view your relationship?
Infatuation: Blind love. Everything is perfect to you but chances are your family and friends direct or indirectly disapprove. Search for their signs.
Love: Blessings and approval, blessings and approval, from others. Mags and tvs might make you think "Oh to hell with what they think of him/her! I'm not marrying ang of them, I'm marrying him/her!" Well dear, no one with good heart will go against your love, unless you are blinded by infatuation.
My answer: I don't know. This what concerns me. He does not approve that we get that personal with our other beloved ones. Hmmm.. couldn't blame him though, considering our differences and what their reactions will be.
8. What does distance do?
Infatuation: Time and distance will kill the relationship. Your feelings will numb over time, you're worried if you don't meet soon, you will lose interest.
Love: Absence makes your hear grow fonder. The time you spent will cause your personalities to 'grow together'. When you are apart, you feel empty, anxious as well sad. You're worried if the other person finds somebody else, but you don't lose interest in him/her.
My answer: Surprisingly love. But I could say, one out of 7 times, I'm quite worried if I lose interest. I'm being honest here. (pssstt.. If you are worried your significant other would lose interest, duhh~ rekindle your relationship, do surprises, change habits or whatever to make him/her happy! Sacrifices people, sacrifices!)
9. How do quarrels affect the romance?
Infatuation: Quarrel is often. You kiss and make up a lot, but quarrels too become more often and severe.
Love: There are disagreements, but you both will live through them. Quarrels become less often. You learn how to handle conflicts and to discuss things openly and frankly.
My answer: Love....and Infatuation? I admit it is because of him that I learn how to be patient and to think beyond myself when solving conflicts. He is always the reasonable one, opening up the table for discussions. But I too feel like we quarrel a lot. So, how?
10. How do you refer to your relationship?
Infatuation: You think of your relationship in terms of two people; I, my, mine, and he, him, his. You think that you both as two separate people.
Love: We, us, ours.
My answer: Hmm...mostly infatuation? Oh no. Something to be improved.
11. Are you selfish or selfless?
Infatuation: Your interest in the other person is primarily selfish. Usually, looks are important. Why are you in this relationship?? Because you think of the advantages that benefit you mostly. If you date the head of the cheerleader, people will look upon you in awe.
Love: You love the person for who he/she is. Not what can they offer to feed your ego.
My answer: Love. But I'd like to see some improvement for his own good. I know I have to work with him.
12. What is your overall response?
Infatuation: You are mainly concerned abut what you can get out of the relationship.
Love: Your attitude is what you can offer to make the both of you happy, not about whether or not he/she could devote themselves to see you happy.
My answer: Trying my best to offer instead of getting, some room for improvement. Not easily, love.
So... what are you waiting for? Go ahead and try yourself! Just be honest. =)
P/s: When I say improvements... I wonder if my significant other has ever thought of willingly improving for the sake of us?
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
the 'FORGOTTEN'
wOOOoooohohoho totally forgotten about this blog!
Gosshhhh I self-pity. How can I forget this??!
I shall be back!!!
Gosshhhh I self-pity. How can I forget this??!
I shall be back!!!
BTW, this is my life currently...in snapshots!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Oi A-Level oi cepatlah habisss!!
Honestly? Currently I feel...quite lonely. Forever Alone. Hehehhe.
Because it's past midnight and I'm still sitting here on my chair doing work on my desk.
I've been in this position for one whole day!!
Tell me, PENAT KE TAK PENAT TU????
Nothing much to update.
Trials are in 7 days time.
And I'm killing myself over the weekend.
Just hope that I meet the requirement to go to Exeter.
Ya Allah, kau bantu lah aku lari dari Malaysia sekejap. Amin.
Hehehehe..
Ouh yeaaaa.... things are getting better and duller at the same time.
Just hope the exams will finish soon so I could review what I want to actually do with my teenage life.
CEPATLAAAHHH HABISSSS!!!
p/s: Hear rumours, don't make rumours. Okay girls???
Because it's past midnight and I'm still sitting here on my chair doing work on my desk.
I've been in this position for one whole day!!
Tell me, PENAT KE TAK PENAT TU????
Nothing much to update.
Trials are in 7 days time.
And I'm killing myself over the weekend.
Just hope that I meet the requirement to go to Exeter.
Ya Allah, kau bantu lah aku lari dari Malaysia sekejap. Amin.
Hehehehe..
Ouh yeaaaa.... things are getting better and duller at the same time.
Just hope the exams will finish soon so I could review what I want to actually do with my teenage life.
CEPATLAAAHHH HABISSSS!!!
p/s: Hear rumours, don't make rumours. Okay girls???
Saturday, February 4, 2012
A NOTE TO SELF
Now I know why people like to make emo entries....
I still hate it, but I'm going to write this one down anyway.
For the past few days, I've been trying hard to make myself busy.
Be around people, do fun stuff, visit places.
Because it seems easier to ignore and deny the sadness rather than dealing with it.
You see, how I thought of becoming cold-hearted, emotionless could make me stronger.
I was wrong...
I forget how does it feel to feel, but once I had a taste of it, I was intoxicated.
I tasted the good and the bad of having feelings.
When the bad comes, I forget how to handle it. I become weak instead.
It's just so unfair to me when you treated me like that.
Accusations, tests,isolation and almost everything I could handle,
but when the cupid strikes, makes love present in me, I become vulnerable.
It seems a lot easier to toss away matters when they get serious.
Why didn't I do it when it comes to you? I regret.
Yes. IT IS HARD TO BE IN MY SHOES.
I'm trying hard to be supportive to you, as a good friend.
But facing you right now, it's like spreading salt onto the wound.
No I didn't like you that much, but still, I started to.
When I propose that we should stop, why didn't you just agree to it?
I am so sorry. I am not angry because this happens.
I am just angry that you treated me so specially, angry that I let myself opened for you.
I warned myself before, I even assured my friends that I will not fall for you.
But I'm still a girl.
9 months of constantly restrain myself from it,I finally lose the battle.
I want to be there so badly for you especially when times like this,
when you need me most to support you.
But I just can't.
I just have to save myself first.
It sounds selfish.
But it's the only way I know how to pick things up when they fall apart.
I am sorry...
Just a note to self, DON'T MAKE EXCEPTIONS.
Stick to it once you've decided.
In this case, stick to not falling in love.
I still hate it, but I'm going to write this one down anyway.
For the past few days, I've been trying hard to make myself busy.
Be around people, do fun stuff, visit places.
Because it seems easier to ignore and deny the sadness rather than dealing with it.
You see, how I thought of becoming cold-hearted, emotionless could make me stronger.
I was wrong...
I forget how does it feel to feel, but once I had a taste of it, I was intoxicated.
I tasted the good and the bad of having feelings.
When the bad comes, I forget how to handle it. I become weak instead.
It's just so unfair to me when you treated me like that.
Accusations, tests,isolation and almost everything I could handle,
but when the cupid strikes, makes love present in me, I become vulnerable.
It seems a lot easier to toss away matters when they get serious.
Why didn't I do it when it comes to you? I regret.
Yes. IT IS HARD TO BE IN MY SHOES.
I'm trying hard to be supportive to you, as a good friend.
But facing you right now, it's like spreading salt onto the wound.
No I didn't like you that much, but still, I started to.
When I propose that we should stop, why didn't you just agree to it?
I am so sorry. I am not angry because this happens.
I am just angry that you treated me so specially, angry that I let myself opened for you.
I warned myself before, I even assured my friends that I will not fall for you.
But I'm still a girl.
9 months of constantly restrain myself from it,I finally lose the battle.
I want to be there so badly for you especially when times like this,
when you need me most to support you.
But I just can't.
I just have to save myself first.
It sounds selfish.
But it's the only way I know how to pick things up when they fall apart.
I am sorry...
Just a note to self, DON'T MAKE EXCEPTIONS.
Stick to it once you've decided.
In this case, stick to not falling in love.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
7 things that could make a girl go cold-hearted.
Sometimes I prefer having no feelings at all than weeping over emotions.
Truth is spilled. Time to make a crucial decision. Hard to move on, even harder to let go.
Not the best move I cherish. But the rightest thing to do.
Truth is spilled. Time to make a crucial decision. Hard to move on, even harder to let go.
Not the best move I cherish. But the rightest thing to do.
"Everybody's looking for that something.
One thing that makes it all complete.
You find it in the strangest places.
Places you never knew it could be.
Some find it in the face of their children.
Some find it in the lover's eyes.
Who can deny the joy it brings.
When you find that special thing.
You're flying without wings."
Still finding for that special thing.
It may come when you don't look for it.
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Top 7 things that makes a girl to stop doing what girls do best, viewing life from her heart.
1) Rough childhood experience
2) Betrayed by people who she had given her trust to.
3) She is rejected when she really loves someone
4) She forgets how does it feel like to live life.
5) Power craze. She forgets what women are supposed to be. Caring and selfless.
6) High expectation. When she demands high, she could be really mean.
7) The most common reason, she's getting tired of her every bit of emotions. Usually caused by failing in love life, constantly. In simple words, when she gives up hopes on love...
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