Saturday, March 31, 2012

Oi A-Level oi cepatlah habisss!!

Honestly? Currently I feel...quite lonely. Forever Alone. Hehehhe.
Because it's past midnight and I'm still sitting here on my chair doing work on my desk.
I've been in this position for one whole day!!


Nothing much to update.
Trials are in 7 days time.
And  I'm killing myself over the weekend.

Just hope that I meet the requirement to go to Exeter.
Ya Allah, kau bantu lah aku lari dari Malaysia sekejap. Amin.

Ouh yeaaaa.... things are getting better and duller at the same time.
Just hope the exams will finish soon so I could review what I want to actually do with my teenage life.

p/s: Hear rumours, don't make rumours. Okay girls???

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Now I know why people like to make emo entries....
I still hate it, but I'm going to write this one down anyway.

For the past few days, I've been trying hard to make myself busy.
Be around people, do fun stuff, visit places.
Because it seems easier to ignore and deny the sadness rather than dealing with it.

You see, how I thought of becoming cold-hearted, emotionless could make me stronger.
I was wrong...

I forget how does it feel to feel, but once I had a taste of it, I was intoxicated.
I tasted the good and the bad of having feelings.
When the bad comes, I forget how to handle it. I become weak instead.

It's just so unfair to me when you treated me like that.
Accusations, tests,isolation and almost everything I could handle,
but when the cupid strikes, makes love present in me, I become vulnerable.

It seems a lot easier to toss away matters when they get serious.
Why didn't I do it when it comes to you? I regret.

I'm trying hard to be supportive to you, as a good friend.
But facing you right now, it's like spreading salt onto the wound.

No I didn't like you that much, but still, I started to.
When I propose that we should stop, why didn't you just agree to it?

I am so sorry. I am not angry because this happens.
I am just angry that you treated me so specially, angry that I let myself opened for you.

I warned myself before, I even assured my friends that I will not fall for you.
But I'm still a girl.
9 months of constantly restrain myself from it,I finally lose the battle.

I want to be there so badly for you especially when times like this,
when you need me most to support you.
But I just can't.
I just have to save myself first.

It sounds selfish.
But it's the only way I know how to pick things up when they fall apart.
I am sorry...

Just a note to self, DON'T MAKE EXCEPTIONS.
Stick to it once you've decided.
In this case, stick to not falling in love.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

7 things that could make a girl go cold-hearted.

Sometimes I prefer having no feelings at all than weeping over emotions. 

Truth is spilled. Time to make a crucial decision. Hard to move on, even harder to let go.

Not the best move I cherish. But the rightest thing to do.

"Everybody's looking for that something.
One thing that makes it all complete.
You find it in the strangest places.
Places you never knew it could be.

Some find it in the face of their children.
Some find it in the lover's eyes.
Who can deny the joy it brings.
When you find that special thing.
You're flying without wings."  

Still finding for that special thing. 

It may come when you don't look for it.


Top 7 things that makes a girl to stop doing what girls do best, viewing life from her heart.

1)  Rough childhood experience

2) Betrayed by people who she had given her trust to.

3) She is rejected when she really loves someone

4) She forgets how does it feel like to live life.

5) Power craze. She forgets what women are supposed to be. Caring and selfless.

6) High expectation. When she demands high, she could be really mean.

7) The most common reason, she's getting tired of her every bit of emotions. Usually caused by failing in love life, constantly. In simple words, when she gives up hopes on love...

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Way I See It...

*I'm currently listening to "Bless The Broken Road" - Rascal Flatts. Takda kena mengena, tapi saja nak bagitahuuu, so boleh tambah mood sambil baca nih*


iya kami rapat dari kecik hingga laaaahhhh sampai tua panjang hot comel macam ni (okay geli)

Dulu dulu ada impian nak kawin sama-sama (BUKAN KAHWIN DENGAN EACH OTHER, tapi cari jodoh sama-sama laaahhhh haiyaaaa)

Tapi itu jodoh semua kuasa ALLAH kan... 

Terkisah la.. Perempuan yang dekat sebelah kiri tu dah terjumpa jodoh dia.

Okay bukan TERjumpa, sebenarnya dah lama dekat depan mata, tapi ALLAH tu baru nak bukak pintu hati dia kut. So terjadi laaahhh perkahwinan tak lama lagi.

Point saya di sini ialah, detailed mana pun manusia tu merancang, tinggi mana manusia tu berangan, perancangan ALLAH lagi baguuuusssss... 

Okay, Warda, stop guna bahasa pelik pleaaassseeee...

Anyway, since I'm in my drama mood, my point of writing this is to elaborate how do I see our situation here.

These two people were born in the same year, the same extended family. 

And they were (and still are) meant to be close, be there for each other. 

Allah tu Maha Adil. Dia percepatkan jodoh yang kiri tu, and yang kanan ni bukan main SUSAH laaa haiiii nak jumpa even stable boyfriend pun! Hahahaha (I shouldn't be laughing, but I find this funny hehehe) 

Sebab Allah tu Maha Adil la, dia tahuuu kalau yang kanan ni duduk kat Malaysia, dia pun tak pasal-pasal sibuk gak nak cari jodoh cepat-cepat. Macam mana kalau dia dah jumpa jodoh dia, tapi yang si bakal husband ni tak ready nak kahwin??? Haaaa.... kan dah conflict! Hehehe..

So, dengan izin Allah, Allah pun berilah rezeki dekat si kanan ni untuk sambung studies dekat oversea (Alhamdulillah... provided mesti lulus requirement!)... Saja, konon-konon nak distract yang kanan ni dari sibuk nak cari jodoh jugak! Haha. 
(mana lah tahuuu tetiba jumpa jodoh dekat UK kee.. hambooooiiii kemain hahaha)

*hoi kalau la dapat yang nihh... Takkan pernah nak cari gaduh dengan diaaa! Hehehe*

Insya Allah, Allah tolong yang kanan tu capai hasrat dia untuk bantu yang susah one daaayyy... Amin. To complete the needs of those unfortunate ones, insya Allah with her knowledge. Tu sebab Allah lambatkan jodoh dia kut. So dia tak distracted dalam mission dia nak bina 'masjid' untuk orang-orang susahhh...

Untuk yang kiri tu pulak. Allah has destined her to complete the life of one great man. And mana tahuuuu, sebagai penyumbang kelahiran bakal anak-anak soleh dan solehah yang boleh pimpin Malaysia ni in the nearest future. Kaaannn? Betul taaakkk? Untunngggg Malaysia. =D

The way I see it..... Two people were born together, live together, laugh together, cry together, be mad together, buat pahala together, buat dosa together, but they are destined to two separate path in the end. 

Untuk yang kiri dan kanan ni, eventhough takdir terdekat kita ni dah lain sikit, hahahaha, may we make the most out of it okay?  =)  

May they remain as lawful husband & wife, lovers, best friends until Jannah...

pssssttt : Jangan sampai yang kanan tu jadi andartu (old maiden) sudaaah sebab cita-cita punya pasal. Hahahahaha 
               =_________="   okay tak kelakar sebenarnya.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

In dire need of....

I know I said I hate long-emo-whining-posts on blogs, but I am in dire need of writing this down.

I've been having thoughts quite a lot lately.

About how to face the  uncertain future?
The ever-so-unsuccessful-love-life.
Where is the circle of friends?
the deep thinking of where do I stand in my iman (religion)?

I don't know. Living in KDU has made me turn into an emo shite I guess. The pressure from every side, every angle of college life is getting to me. Not that I lost my grip, THANK GOD I get to keep my sanity. It's not the usual pressure where you-have-to-stay-in-to-study-while-your-friends-get-to-have-all-the-fun-type of pressure. It's more to mental exhaustion. I still could keep up with pressure on studies and all. But I no longer want to be in KDU as much as I used to. Just 6 more months and I'm done! Truth be told, I feel like KDU is just a 'drop-by' place. 2 years period of a drop-by. (BM translation : tempat persinggahan) Not a place I look forward to stay. Well, maybe yes, I'll miss the people and environment once I'm done, but not the experience there. Why am I being so negative? I don't know. But I hate this feeling. Something has to be done.

I could say this one has a little bit of funny-ness inside. Haha. Maybe the fact that many people surrounding me, especially my age, is engaged soon to be married that has pushed me into messing up my mind with this thought. Blergh. No, don't get me wrong. It's not like I feel urged to get married soon or what. No no no. Never crossed my mind, never been in my 5 years plan. At first, when I start to think of these things, I wanted a stable (at least ) real relationship. You know, the boyfriend girlfriend thingy, serious but with no ties. But after some further thoughts, I don't really mind. I'm not in a hurry to find a partner. But sometimes, it crosses my mind, why can't I find someone that I could finally be in love, for real? Where is he? You know, the last time I think I was almost in love was when I was 16. My first love, Izdiyad Fathullah. He was my first. And those who has experienced first love, you know that palpitating heartbeat, head rush, cant breathe kinda feeling? Yeah, that was the last time I really felt that way. And I dont think it was a real love, considering I got over him so soon, I think I was just excited to the idea of having a boyfriend (incest, infatuation). But all of these events, made me think, why do I get to meet many interesting guys,but don't get to meet 'him'? It's either I feel too comfortable with a guy that I friend-zoned him or I have trust issues with the guy or I'm plainly afraid to take risks (I hate the last one the most, I keep taking the U-turn road). To Allah, I leave this matter.

I feel so lucky because I'm blessed to meet and to be close with so many interesting people here in KDU, that eventually it kinda affects my relationship with my friends back in hometown. We rarely talk to each other nowadays, let alone meet. Most of it due to schedule clashes. This worries me though. And now I have to put most of my strength, focus, interests ( I might as well say a big portion of my life) onto my studies, that I dont go back home as much as I did to meet them. Argh. What will happen to us once I (insya Allah, if God wills) go to UK? Will we get to keep this unsinkable friendship? Or will it fades away with time?

Growing up and growing away from home has given me a challenge, BIG TIME. Back at home, I have my parents to remind me to be close to Allah. But here, I have to constantly remind myself. And it's hard when you live in the heart of the city, with your friends,with all the fun and freedom you could have. I can feel the distance between Allah and I. I hate it. I miss the relationship that I had with him. So serene,so feel protected. I do realise sometimes that I have strayed from His path. But I tend to do it again. I have longed for a journey of soul-searching, a journey to find Him, to find His blessings again. I pray to Him that He isn't mad for forgetting to remember Him. Ya Rabb, Ya Karim, in you I lay my faith, my soul, and my life.