So... I've been thinking about my love life quite a lot lately. Well, part of it because there are more and more friends surrounding me are getting married/been married or even getting a baby (well, it's about that age of the life, who could blame them..) Another part is that my unmarried friends are going all out on fretting about not getting married, hahaha. But the major portion is that I've been wondering whether the decisions I made so far in my love life, are going to be standing strong until at least, I get married.....at the very least.
Sigh. How do I go on about this? Right. To save myself from all the confusion (and to fill my oh-so-overly-free-time) I read a lot of articles about love and recently did quite a few quizzes. My finding is that there is very very very thin line that separates love from infatuation. (Yes, I think I wrote about infatuation a few years back). Infatuation is so much alike with being in love, but it's not love. Confused? Haha. I.e, the attraction of the idea of being in love, not actually the same as being in love.
Note, having to know about infatuation and love is vital because it saves you years in your life, save you from wasting your time, energy and money on what could have been saved if you sit back, relax. and reflect upon yourself...and your partner.
Magazines and television have been feeding us with the idea of "romantic love". They make it sound like we will be "swept off our feet", "floating on cloud nine" when we have love. Well, that's true, but not all the time. Love is an ongoing struggle I might say based on what I experience so far. Every single matter on this Earth experience changes, so do our feelings. Different actions need to be taken to accommodate the changes.
Sure, easier to talk than do. It seems so easy to love (or fall in love). Everything else does not matter when you have love. Well, danggg that's not true! Everything matters if you have love. Love needs hard work and commitment. Infatuation is something when you feel everything is easy. Easy to love him, easy to communicate, easy to understand each other and easy to give up.
No, nothing precious is ever easy. You need to work to earn it. In this entry, I will write down a few things that I think helped me to understand whether my relationship is an infatuation or...real love. =)
So, here it goes....Try to be honest as you can. Hey, you only deceive yourself if you lie.
1. What is the major attraction?
Infatuation: High chance the first thing that comes to your mind is the physical equipment of the other person.
Love: The total personality. Physical attractions could be thrilling, but it's just one of the many things.
My answer: Love.
2. How many things about that person attract you?
Infatuation: Usually few in number, but very appealing.
Love: Most of the qualities attract you. how many have you observed and how many attract you?
My answer: I don't know. Never really though about it. Must think from now on.
3. How did it start?
Infatuation: Fast, no such thing as love at first sight (again, magazines and tv brainwashing you) but there is infatuation at first sight.
Love: Very slowly. Love takes a lot of your time to be built up and stood strong.
My answer: Love.
4. How consistent is your interest?
Infatuation: Blows hot and cold. Your interest grew so fast that the base/root is shallow. Whole relationship is shallow.
Love: Feeling are slow and tender. Feelings grow slowly, but root goes deep.
My answer: Love.
5. How does it affect your personality?
Infatuation: Has disorganising effect on your personality. You walk around daydreaming. You feel like everything just falls into place,everything is beautiful and perfect. You're on cloud nine.
Love: The one will bring out your best qualities...AND make you want to be a better person. You plan and prepare.
My answer: Love.
6. How do you see each other?
Infatuation: Your world, your daily purpose of life seems to be revolved around that person. You tend to neglect other relationships.
Love: Your beloved is the most important, but you don't give less treatment to other relationships as you used to.
My answer: Love in terms of human relationships, but towards my belief (our Maker) hmmmm... the biggest concern.
7. How do others view your relationship?
Infatuation: Blind love. Everything is perfect to you but chances are your family and friends direct or indirectly disapprove. Search for their signs.
Love: Blessings and approval, blessings and approval, from others. Mags and tvs might make you think "Oh to hell with what they think of him/her! I'm not marrying ang of them, I'm marrying him/her!" Well dear, no one with good heart will go against your love, unless you are blinded by infatuation.
My answer: I don't know. This what concerns me. He does not approve that we get that personal with our other beloved ones. Hmmm.. couldn't blame him though, considering our differences and what their reactions will be.
8. What does distance do?
Infatuation: Time and distance will kill the relationship. Your feelings will numb over time, you're worried if you don't meet soon, you will lose interest.
Love: Absence makes your hear grow fonder. The time you spent will cause your personalities to 'grow together'. When you are apart, you feel empty, anxious as well sad. You're worried if the other person finds somebody else, but you don't lose interest in him/her.
My answer: Surprisingly love. But I could say, one out of 7 times, I'm quite worried if I lose interest. I'm being honest here. (pssstt.. If you are worried your significant other would lose interest, duhh~ rekindle your relationship, do surprises, change habits or whatever to make him/her happy! Sacrifices people, sacrifices!)
9. How do quarrels affect the romance?
Infatuation: Quarrel is often. You kiss and make up a lot, but quarrels too become more often and severe.
Love: There are disagreements, but you both will live through them. Quarrels become less often. You learn how to handle conflicts and to discuss things openly and frankly.
My answer: Love....and Infatuation? I admit it is because of him that I learn how to be patient and to think beyond myself when solving conflicts. He is always the reasonable one, opening up the table for discussions. But I too feel like we quarrel a lot. So, how?
10. How do you refer to your relationship?
Infatuation: You think of your relationship in terms of two people; I, my, mine, and he, him, his. You think that you both as two separate people.
Love: We, us, ours.
My answer: Hmm...mostly infatuation? Oh no. Something to be improved.
11. Are you selfish or selfless?
Infatuation: Your interest in the other person is primarily selfish. Usually, looks are important. Why are you in this relationship?? Because you think of the advantages that benefit you mostly. If you date the head of the cheerleader, people will look upon you in awe.
Love: You love the person for who he/she is. Not what can they offer to feed your ego.
My answer: Love. But I'd like to see some improvement for his own good. I know I have to work with him.
12. What is your overall response?
Infatuation: You are mainly concerned abut what you can get out of the relationship.
Love: Your attitude is what you can offer to make the both of you happy, not about whether or not he/she could devote themselves to see you happy.
My answer: Trying my best to offer instead of getting, some room for improvement. Not easily, love.
So... what are you waiting for? Go ahead and try yourself! Just be honest. =)
P/s: When I say improvements... I wonder if my significant other has ever thought of willingly improving for the sake of us?