A NOTE TO SELF

Now I know why people like to make emo entries....
I still hate it, but I'm going to write this one down anyway.

For the past few days, I've been trying hard to make myself busy.
Be around people, do fun stuff, visit places.
Because it seems easier to ignore and deny the sadness rather than dealing with it.

You see, how I thought of becoming cold-hearted, emotionless could make me stronger.
I was wrong...

I forget how does it feel to feel, but once I had a taste of it, I was intoxicated.
I tasted the good and the bad of having feelings.
When the bad comes, I forget how to handle it. I become weak instead.

It's just so unfair to me when you treated me like that.
Accusations, tests,isolation and almost everything I could handle,
but when the cupid strikes, makes love present in me, I become vulnerable.

It seems a lot easier to toss away matters when they get serious.
Why didn't I do it when it comes to you? I regret.

Yes. IT IS HARD TO BE IN MY SHOES.
I'm trying hard to be supportive to you, as a good friend.
But facing you right now, it's like spreading salt onto the wound.

No I didn't like you that much, but still, I started to.
When I propose that we should stop, why didn't you just agree to it?

I am so sorry. I am not angry because this happens.
I am just angry that you treated me so specially, angry that I let myself opened for you.

I warned myself before, I even assured my friends that I will not fall for you.
But I'm still a girl.
9 months of constantly restrain myself from it,I finally lose the battle.

I want to be there so badly for you especially when times like this,
when you need me most to support you.
But I just can't.
I just have to save myself first.

It sounds selfish.
But it's the only way I know how to pick things up when they fall apart.
I am sorry...

Just a note to self, DON'T MAKE EXCEPTIONS.
Stick to it once you've decided.
In this case, stick to not falling in love.