A NOTE TO SELF

Now I know why people like to make emo entries....
I still hate it, but I'm going to write this one down anyway.

For the past few days, I've been trying hard to make myself busy.
Be around people, do fun stuff, visit places.
Because it seems easier to ignore and deny the sadness rather than dealing with it.

You see, how I thought of becoming cold-hearted, emotionless could make me stronger.
I was wrong...

I forget how does it feel to feel, but once I had a taste of it, I was intoxicated.
I tasted the good and the bad of having feelings.
When the bad comes, I forget how to handle it. I become weak instead.

It's just so unfair to me when you treated me like that.
Accusations, tests,isolation and almost everything I could handle,
but when the cupid strikes, makes love present in me, I become vulnerable.

It seems a lot easier to toss away matters when they get serious.
Why didn't I do it when it comes to you? I regret.

Yes. IT IS HARD TO BE IN MY SHOES.
I'm trying hard to be supportive to you, as a good friend.
But facing you right now, it's like spreading salt onto the wound.

No I didn't like you that much, but still, I started to.
When I propose that we should stop, why didn't you just agree to it?

I am so sorry. I am not angry because this happens.
I am just angry that you treated me so specially, angry that I let myself opened for you.

I warned myself before, I even assured my friends that I will not fall for you.
But I'm still a girl.
9 months of constantly restrain myself from it,I finally lose the battle.

I want to be there so badly for you especially when times like this,
when you need me most to support you.
But I just can't.
I just have to save myself first.

It sounds selfish.
But it's the only way I know how to pick things up when they fall apart.
I am sorry...

Just a note to self, DON'T MAKE EXCEPTIONS.
Stick to it once you've decided.
In this case, stick to not falling in love.

7 things that could make a girl go cold-hearted.

Sometimes I prefer having no feelings at all than weeping over emotions. 


Truth is spilled. Time to make a crucial decision. Hard to move on, even harder to let go.

Not the best move I cherish. But the rightest thing to do.

"Everybody's looking for that something.

One thing that makes it all complete.

You find it in the strangest places.

Places you never knew it could be.

Some find it in the face of their children.

Some find it in the lover's eyes.

Who can deny the joy it brings.

When you find that special thing.

You're flying without wings."  

Still finding for that special thing. 

It may come when you don't look for it.

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Top 7 things that makes a girl to stop doing what girls do best, viewing life from her heart.

1)  Rough childhood experience

2) Betrayed by people who she had given her trust to.

3) She is rejected when she really loves someone

4) She forgets how does it feel like to live life.

5) Power craze. She forgets what women are supposed to be. Caring and selfless.

6) High expectation. When she demands high, she could be really mean.

7) The most common reason, she's getting tired of her every bit of emotions. Usually caused by failing in love life, constantly. In simple words, when she gives up hopes on love...